I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
