I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
