I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
