Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my being single is dangerous.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize