There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
