drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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