Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
