She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she looked like the before picture.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
