I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
