I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
