Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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