Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
