thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
