I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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