my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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