I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
FUCK WHALES
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
