Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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