i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
