I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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