she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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