Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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