i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize