my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
