My brain says no but my pants say off.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
