I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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