Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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