I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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