I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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