Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
