if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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