She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
