It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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