Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
