Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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