I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
