does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
