i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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