Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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