so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
