Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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