My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
