Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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