I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
