I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
