??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
