I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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