i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
