i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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