She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
