shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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