It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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