Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
