My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
