My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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