You just made me feel so damn special
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
