i'm signing you up for texting rehab
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize