i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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