The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize