Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
