I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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