It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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