we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
