wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
