Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
