Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
