I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
