dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
