i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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