i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize