yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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