Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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