did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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