HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
