South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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