Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
