I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
