There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
