with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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