Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
