Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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