Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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