FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize