Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
