he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
