i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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