rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
