There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
did i just pee glitter
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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