oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize