quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
