If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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