If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
