out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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