Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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