Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
