What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
