guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
