it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize